I dun seems to be able to decide on in or out. I wanted out but why do I feel the way I do?

My eyes are closing sitting in the office....
Not sure how am I gonna drive back home... I just wanna lie in bed, hide under the covers and dream the days away......

今天是美丽的一天，就你和我。。。:)

但我非常明白这只是短暂的幸福。你有你的人生，我有我的负担。你迟早会找到一个可以陪你一起走下去的人。我。。。 就只是路过而已。

算了吧。

This is a shitty week....
And I miss you....

Sitting in the office at this hour is killing me.
Sitting in the office on msn without you is killing me more....

I know it's not suppose to be the way it is.... but i can't help falling in.....

KTV-ing alone was such an experience... beer + songs.... ultimate 堕落...

Alive!

It's been a long long time since anything got posted here.... I should probably think about reviving it again....
We shall see....

It's getting quiet in here.....

If writing it all down will make everything go away..... I would.
Unfortunately, it wouldn't.

我决定相信最后一次。不顾一切的相信你说的所有。
只有一个要球，不要在对我残忍第二次。
因为真的很痛。。。

昨晚，当他拍着我哄我入睡时，我好想就在那个时候一觉不再醒来。因为这样一切就停在最美好的回忆当中。我不再需要醒来面对所有的所有。不用努力忘记所有该忘记的事实。这样不是很好吗？

Sometimes it's really amazing what alcohol can do to a person.
For him, I really dunno if those were words were spoken under the influence of the alcohol or he meant it.
For me, I take it that it was just a crazy night of too much drinks and pretend it never happen.... It's probably best left that way.....

空白。。。 一切都是空白的。
没什么好写的。
等待。。。
等待一切过去。。。

空虚。。。
心是空虚的。
期待有一天会被填满。。。

Starting work at a new place...... hope it will be a good start....
=)

Trapped

Fallen into the realm of darkness
Shrouded by the sense of self-pity
Lured by the temptations
Addicted to the pleasure of sins
Not breaking out from the cycle
Trapped in within

When will it come to an end?

好久不见

勉强是没有幸福的。。。 体会到了这句话的意思。
放下了，果然是比较轻松，开朗，开心。
也许也是因为有了一个完整的结束，所以比较容易松手。

今天的我和他，今天的她和他， 今天的我和她。。。。 是如此美丽，如此自然。=)
今天的我，笑得特别真。好久不见的快乐，好像回来了。

Will be moving back into the events industry. Something that I am familiar with, something my forte. This time will be more into the conference events hence not so many weekends burnt. Feeling rather excited to be moving back after doing sales for 1 and half yrs. Although the money is good, but it is super tiring and tedious.

Hate the feeling of having to spend the entire out there. I miss the days where I can sit in the office and enjoy the aircon and being on msn connected with everyone else. Soon..... counting down the days when I can say goodbye to my boss. :p

I've been going through my blog again, going through what I have written, what I have felt and what were my thoughts in the past years and as I was reading, many things are running through my mind.

I realise throughout so many years, there have always been constant mention of him. It's really like a roller coaster ride. Like how for a moment I would be feeling like I'm so in love with him and then a couple of months later I am so convinced that I have gotten him out of my life. I guess the truth is, no matter what, whether I like it or not, he has already become part of my life. He will always be a constant reminder. I just have to deal with it.

It was really difficult and painful the night before. It's really like an addiction that I'm trying my best to wean off. But left with no choice, I still can cut it out. And the morning after, I feel the sense of relief that I have finally broke out from it. And that leaves me to deal with the bigger problem which is also the crucial problem right from the start.

But this is where I feel helpless. I dunno how to move ahead from here. Reading through what I wrote in my blog, I come to understand that I really do love this man I married. What we have gone through together wasn't just child's play. The reason why I chose him wasn't for fun either. He has given me enough love to warrant that I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. And vice versa, I love him enough to be able to go through all these difficult years. I love him enough to give whatever I can. And these I did without resentment for I can feel what we both feel.

At this crossroad junction, we both feel lost. Maybe without directions. Maybe blinded by whatever I do not know. To get over this hurdle, we both need to put in effort. We both need to find back the lost feelings. I dunno how to do it, but we need to do it.

How we gonna do it, I totally have no clue...... Probably again we might hv to leave it to time... to fate.... to watever... Or maybe we can talk through. Whatever it is, I will put in my best effort, just for one more time at least.

God bless......

剧终。。。