Trapped

Fallen into the realm of darkness
Shrouded by the sense of self-pity
Lured by the temptations
Addicted to the pleasure of sins
Not breaking out from the cycle
Trapped in within

When will it come to an end?

好久不见

勉强是没有幸福的。。。 体会到了这句话的意思。
放下了，果然是比较轻松，开朗，开心。
也许也是因为有了一个完整的结束，所以比较容易松手。

今天的我和他，今天的她和他， 今天的我和她。。。。 是如此美丽，如此自然。=)
今天的我，笑得特别真。好久不见的快乐，好像回来了。

Will be moving back into the events industry. Something that I am familiar with, something my forte. This time will be more into the conference events hence not so many weekends burnt. Feeling rather excited to be moving back after doing sales for 1 and half yrs. Although the money is good, but it is super tiring and tedious.

Hate the feeling of having to spend the entire out there. I miss the days where I can sit in the office and enjoy the aircon and being on msn connected with everyone else. Soon..... counting down the days when I can say goodbye to my boss. :p

I've been going through my blog again, going through what I have written, what I have felt and what were my thoughts in the past years and as I was reading, many things are running through my mind.

I realise throughout so many years, there have always been constant mention of him. It's really like a roller coaster ride. Like how for a moment I would be feeling like I'm so in love with him and then a couple of months later I am so convinced that I have gotten him out of my life. I guess the truth is, no matter what, whether I like it or not, he has already become part of my life. He will always be a constant reminder. I just have to deal with it.

It was really difficult and painful the night before. It's really like an addiction that I'm trying my best to wean off. But left with no choice, I still can cut it out. And the morning after, I feel the sense of relief that I have finally broke out from it. And that leaves me to deal with the bigger problem which is also the crucial problem right from the start.

But this is where I feel helpless. I dunno how to move ahead from here. Reading through what I wrote in my blog, I come to understand that I really do love this man I married. What we have gone through together wasn't just child's play. The reason why I chose him wasn't for fun either. He has given me enough love to warrant that I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. And vice versa, I love him enough to be able to go through all these difficult years. I love him enough to give whatever I can. And these I did without resentment for I can feel what we both feel.

At this crossroad junction, we both feel lost. Maybe without directions. Maybe blinded by whatever I do not know. To get over this hurdle, we both need to put in effort. We both need to find back the lost feelings. I dunno how to do it, but we need to do it.

How we gonna do it, I totally have no clue...... Probably again we might hv to leave it to time... to fate.... to watever... Or maybe we can talk through. Whatever it is, I will put in my best effort, just for one more time at least.

God bless......

剧终。。。

suffocated....
can't breathe.....
fading away..........

Sometimes I feel so empty.....

不想继续了。
是时候清醒了。
不想坚持知道答案了。
就当作什么都不是。

句点。

A night of madness at Butter Factory. Lots of drinks, lots of dancing, lots of man and woman, lot of smiles and laughters.

Really a night of madness..... lolx

决定了。。。 让一切有完美的句点。 :)

如果你想起我，你会想到什么？

也许对我来讲，我是在赌。赌一个希望，赌他说的是假的。 虽然输得几率很大，不过没办法不赌这一把。

半梦半醒

我选择了回到梦里去。
去到了一个根本不应该存在的世界。在那梦幻的世界里，我开心的笑，我轻松自在的玩，有了失去的温柔，有了杀那间的关怀，心里甜甜的感觉。

这次的梦，不知何时会醒来。醒来后的我，会是怎样。。。

I don't know what is happening.... I don't even know how exactly I feel. Ever since then when I sat in my car and cried for god knows how long and unable to move, I haven't shed a single tear about it anymore. Has my tears dried up since then?

And no.... I haven't even thought much about it. I hadn't the urge to run back to him. Was it all really just a fiction of my imagination? Had I really felt what I felt back then? Was this a form of self protection of not wanting to think anymore? Or is it that I have got no more emotions left it me?

Drained out dry......

It flashes so quickly through my mind that I don't even know if that was what I thought. Consciously or sub-consciously, I may be trying to block out whatever are those thoughts to make myself feel better. Maybe.... I dunno....

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Seems like I'm still doing fine. Maybe it was really a dream after all.....

梦醒了

就像做了一场梦一样，醒来后，什么都不是真的，什么都没有。回到了现实的生活，还是自己一个人面对，一个人承受。在梦里，分不清对错，分不清真假。 在梦里，所有的事情都很完美，所有的温柔也都特别的温柔。现在却只能回味。 随着时间，随着回忆，一切都会慢慢的淡去。

梦醒了，一切都好残酷。。。

It felt so right and so wrong at the same time.....
He felt so familiar and unfamiliar.....
So many old memories running thru and new thoughts at the same time.

Can't believe it's happening but glad it is. Haven't felt this way for a long time.... I seems to have forgotten how it felt.

Missing it... missing him..... it seems to come back all at once. Not sure.... confuse.... undecided..... unsure....

But happy i think.....

是否还清一切？是这样吗？

Day with Sunshine, Sea and Sand

Stealing some time away from work and other matters, I went to Sentosa with Julia and Kel. Haven't feel this relax for quite a while. =) Kel have always wanted to go take some photos at Sentosa and just nice Julia and me are free. So we got ourselves ready and off we went.

Sentosa have changed a lot since I went there in my much younger days. The IR construction and other hotel constructions are everywhere. Since it is so different now, we were a bit unsure where to go. So the 3 of us spent a lot of time taking the tram here and there.

We didn't do much. We went for lunch at Coastes which was where Jas and I went when we stayed at the Siloso Resort for our anniversary. I think I'm now hook on their chicken wing. It's very nice!!! serve with Belachan chilli. Wah lau, i wanted to ta bao the chilli back sia..... After that we just hang out and one of the beach pub and while Kel took professional pics with his SLR, Julia and I took mediocre pictures with my handphone. Lolx! But hor, my new handphone LG Renoir the quality of the pics not bad lah.... Proofs as follow....... (hehehhee)

On the beach tram

Julia posing for the camera and me trying to take some artistic shots.

We MMS this photo to Angela who is busy working with the messaging. "Are you at work? We are at the Beach!!!" just to irritate her. hahahhaha!
And proof that the 3 of us were there.....