我已不再知道他是谁了。。。。

明明是如此靠近，却又是如此的遥远。心灵上的距离，比实际的距离差得更多，更多。多到我都不知道如何拉近我们两个人的距离。

失望。。。 很希望他有一个很好的解释。可是，怎么想，都不知道怎样的解释才算是好的。
不明白。。。 我不明白。。。

The whole thing sounds so unreal. Like in a dream.... It feels so wierd.

Jus wierd...

HIM

Even after these years, my attraction to him still stays
I still love to see him smile, see him laugh
Especially the mischevious glint in his eyes

I love the way he looks at me,
they way he touches my hair
And how he always makes me laugh

I had once been indecisive...
We haven't had it easy, but he has never back down
We had our share of pain and argument
But his words always seems to make it all right

He is the man I love...
He is the man I chose....
He is the man I walked down the aisle with....

I was watching a special report on the China earthquake just now and couldn't help but feel my stomach churn and heart throbbing and aching. The report was on the last 79hrs of a man who was trapped under the rubbles resulting from the earthquake.

While he was trapped underneath the heavey rubbles, he kept repeating that he cannot die for he still has a wife who just got pregnant. As time passes, while they are trying all means and ways to rescue him, we can see all the various reactions from him. He tries to stay awake by talking even when what u was talking doesn't make any sense.

Finally after 70 over hours, he was released from those god damn stones but he has lost conciousness. While on the way to medical point, he died....

I can imagine the heartpain of all who desperately tried to save him. He had given all the rescuers a hope. A hope that someone is gonna survive. A hope that yet another person has been saved, but that he didn't make it still in the end. At the side, we can hear a woman reporter crying, asking him to hang on. Asking him to wake up for he himself had said he couldn't die as he still has a pregnant wife waiting for him.

I.... I was half hoping he would wake up suddenly and say he's alright. Just like how drama serials or movies always show. But as I watched, I knew that is nt a drama or movie I am watching. What is in front of me is something very real in another country. So real that my heart felt part of it died when the man died.

I have been avoiding reading the news on the earthquakes for fear of how I would feel.. I know all around there are sad stories, sad true stories which I know I will be affected upon reading them. There was the reportas on the baby who was alive whom when they found the baby was suckling on her dead mother's breast. The last thing the mother could do for the baby. And those on how teachers hang on to their students even till their very last breath to save their lives. The rescue team was crying while they had to saw the hands off the teachers to get the students out. These reports......can really tear someone's heart apart.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to blog this down.... and I'm not sure what I am trying to express. Maybe this is how I can release the heartwrenching mood in me. And to remind myself that I am lucky or rather all who are able to read this that we are lucky. We are luckier than what the people are facing in China.

Though things do not go our way in life most of the time, but at the very least, we have a roof above our head, loved ones beside us, not affected by natural disasters.

Probably we shld reconsider the priorities in our life, and how we judge things. We are already better.....

今天心情有点郁闷。。。

虽然，早已知道会有这一天的到来，不过，在心里还是有小小的盼望会有一些转机。没想到，反而却还比想象中发生的还要快。

这个选择也许对彼此都好，可是，总觉得非常可惜。一段破碎的婚姻，是没有一个女人想要有的结果。Jas 说，“要离婚，就不应该结婚。”我说，“那里会有人预料到会要离婚的？谁都不想的。。。”

在要求完美的思想里，是不能接受一段不再完美的爱情。试过了，挣扎过，最后也许就只有放手是最好的？好难的一个决定，还是说出了口。痛。。。

有人劝说，“既然有勇气作这个决定，为什么没有勇气再从新开始？”我觉得，这是没有答案的。没有对错，这就是爱情最难的一个部分。

结束了。。。。。。。？

---------------------

On another note, I passed my final theory test. Have started taking lesson on Wed. One step nearer to getting my licence. Will be starting my position as Business Development Executive on Mon. A new role....... Exciting? Exciting.....