In the middle

I feel like I am in the middle of a tunnel. Right in the middle where I don't see the lights in front and neither do I see the lights where I came from.

I have walked this far to be here and now I'm unsure if I really want to turn back. Yet, each step that I move forward, I don't know where it will lead me to. Honestly, I'm scared. Scared of the unknown.

My mood is forever on a see-saw.... High... low... high... low... Thoughts keep circling in my head. I feel like I cannot think rationally. I am lacking rest. Energy depleting. Sleep doesn't comes easy for me and I can't get uninterrupted sleep. I wake up more often than before in the middle of the night. Maybe it's guilt? Maybe it's something else....

I do not want to deny the happiness in my life nor can I deny the pressure that is building up in me. I hope all these pass soon.