I sms him Merry Xmas and then Happy New Year. He din reply either sms. Not that I am expecting a reply, jus that the disappointment was a bit hard to bear.... It seems to shout right in my face, "It's over! I dun wanna keep in contact anymore!"

Sometimes all I wan is just to know he's ok and how he's doing. Is tat really so difficult? Haiz... I guess I was the one who made it hard for us in the first place....

I look forward to the day when I can look back and no longer recall the pain I am feeling. Just like how me and Jac had talked about. I know it will all go away someday. I just want tat someday to come quickly, so that my heart wouldn't ache so badly each time I hear a familiar song, a familiar name or a familiar story....

This whole damn thing might just wear me out. I feel like I'm walking a step and going back two. How can one's heart and mind be so contradicting? How can one feel in love and out of love at the same time?