Why?!

It's a rainy and gloomy day out there.... Just like how I am feeling right now......

Jas and I had our long overdue talk this morning at 6am after we reach home from mj. He had sms sometime back saying we haven really had a good talk for quite a while and shld probably do so. When I saw the msg, I already felt something wasn't quite right. And yes... it's nt alright.....

I called him after I had bathe and getting ready for bed. Asked him what is it exactly he wans to talk about. He said, " I think it's time you look for someone better." The words came as a surprise and it hit me hard. I asked him why, he says he no longer has the faith that he can gimme what I wan in our relationship. He knows I have been giving way and has been very patient, he jus cannot bear to see me waiting and waiting for something that I really wan and he cannot give. He thinks I deserve better and shld probably move on. He says I'm no longer young, how long more am I gonna waste my time with him. He doesn't want to be selfish..... I have no words to reply him.

Jas says the next guy I look for, it has to be better than him. And while I have not met the next guy, he would continue to care for me, take care of me and love me just as before. He cannot bear to let me go, but he have to.....

What is this?! I dun understand..... So many times, I was the one who had wanted to leave but each time he was the one who had insisted that everything is gonna be alright. He told me before that good things dun come easily and that as long as we have faith, we will get what we wish for. And now?! He's telling me to give up. Just when recently I had the courage to forget the past and move on, he tells me to let go.

Can anyone feel my helplessness and me conflicting emotions? Can anyone tell me where to go from here? Can someone help me? I am totally .... totally down and out. Someone help me pls.... Tell me what to do pls. Why is all this happening?

It pains him to see me tolerating all the pressures I have from both his family and mine, it pains me the same to have him tell me his decision. We both know how hard it will be for us. I seems to have lost the light in my life suddenly. It's scary... Am I to accept all this? To take on this status of "Attached but Available" status?

爱情真的不能当饭吃. He told me de....

This is killing me.... This really will....