我已不再知道他是谁了。。。。

明明是如此靠近，却又是如此的遥远。心灵上的距离，比实际的距离差得更多，更多。多到我都不知道如何拉近我们两个人的距离。

失望。。。 很希望他有一个很好的解释。可是，怎么想，都不知道怎样的解释才算是好的。
不明白。。。 我不明白。。。

The whole thing sounds so unreal. Like in a dream.... It feels so wierd.

Jus wierd...

HIM

Even after these years, my attraction to him still stays
I still love to see him smile, see him laugh
Especially the mischevious glint in his eyes

I love the way he looks at me,
they way he touches my hair
And how he always makes me laugh

I had once been indecisive...
We haven't had it easy, but he has never back down
We had our share of pain and argument
But his words always seems to make it all right

He is the man I love...
He is the man I chose....
He is the man I walked down the aisle with....

I was watching a special report on the China earthquake just now and couldn't help but feel my stomach churn and heart throbbing and aching. The report was on the last 79hrs of a man who was trapped under the rubbles resulting from the earthquake.

While he was trapped underneath the heavey rubbles, he kept repeating that he cannot die for he still has a wife who just got pregnant. As time passes, while they are trying all means and ways to rescue him, we can see all the various reactions from him. He tries to stay awake by talking even when what u was talking doesn't make any sense.

Finally after 70 over hours, he was released from those god damn stones but he has lost conciousness. While on the way to medical point, he died....

I can imagine the heartpain of all who desperately tried to save him. He had given all the rescuers a hope. A hope that someone is gonna survive. A hope that yet another person has been saved, but that he didn't make it still in the end. At the side, we can hear a woman reporter crying, asking him to hang on. Asking him to wake up for he himself had said he couldn't die as he still has a pregnant wife waiting for him.

I.... I was half hoping he would wake up suddenly and say he's alright. Just like how drama serials or movies always show. But as I watched, I knew that is nt a drama or movie I am watching. What is in front of me is something very real in another country. So real that my heart felt part of it died when the man died.

I have been avoiding reading the news on the earthquakes for fear of how I would feel.. I know all around there are sad stories, sad true stories which I know I will be affected upon reading them. There was the reportas on the baby who was alive whom when they found the baby was suckling on her dead mother's breast. The last thing the mother could do for the baby. And those on how teachers hang on to their students even till their very last breath to save their lives. The rescue team was crying while they had to saw the hands off the teachers to get the students out. These reports......can really tear someone's heart apart.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to blog this down.... and I'm not sure what I am trying to express. Maybe this is how I can release the heartwrenching mood in me. And to remind myself that I am lucky or rather all who are able to read this that we are lucky. We are luckier than what the people are facing in China.

Though things do not go our way in life most of the time, but at the very least, we have a roof above our head, loved ones beside us, not affected by natural disasters.

Probably we shld reconsider the priorities in our life, and how we judge things. We are already better.....

今天心情有点郁闷。。。

虽然，早已知道会有这一天的到来，不过，在心里还是有小小的盼望会有一些转机。没想到，反而却还比想象中发生的还要快。

这个选择也许对彼此都好，可是，总觉得非常可惜。一段破碎的婚姻，是没有一个女人想要有的结果。Jas 说，“要离婚，就不应该结婚。”我说，“那里会有人预料到会要离婚的？谁都不想的。。。”

在要求完美的思想里，是不能接受一段不再完美的爱情。试过了，挣扎过，最后也许就只有放手是最好的？好难的一个决定，还是说出了口。痛。。。

有人劝说，“既然有勇气作这个决定，为什么没有勇气再从新开始？”我觉得，这是没有答案的。没有对错，这就是爱情最难的一个部分。

结束了。。。。。。。？

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On another note, I passed my final theory test. Have started taking lesson on Wed. One step nearer to getting my licence. Will be starting my position as Business Development Executive on Mon. A new role....... Exciting? Exciting.....

Taken by my new Camera Phone

Hehe! New phone! That stupid Nokia phone that i had been using dieded.... That one really machiam like toy phone leh. An entire piece of plastic just drop out. Damn sianz. One day gotta reset dunno how many thousand times.

Anyway, tat's Viewty I got! Like the camera and can do editing by writing on it. The only thing is I nt use to touch screen phone. So sms very super slow....

Well... till i get use to it then.

A Different Weekend

This weekend is exceptionally different and need a bit of getting use to. Why leh? Cause no more vehicle. Jas last day was on Thurs, so he returned the vehicle on Thurs as well. So this entire weekend, the both of us have to travel by public transport lor.

Hahaha! After so many years, Jas really need a lot of getting used to in taking, train and bus. Lolx! I didn't make it easy for him on Sat also when we had to go all the way to Peninsular Plaza to a tailor to custom make a suit for our wedding. Cause hor, Meow, Jac and Adrian just came back from Bangkok, and bought a couple t-shirt for us. I made Jas wear together with me on Sat. haha! it's nt really those super lovey dovey kind mah, so I feel quite ok. Hehhee! Angela help us take a photo while waiting for train at AMK.

After 25yrs.... my first time wearing couple tee... Last time always laugh at others.... but aiya.. for the fun or it mah. =p

Talking about the suit that Jas cusomt made... It was quite affordable. Hopefully it comes out good. Highly recommended de. At Peninsular, on the same level, there were many tailor shops but none was as crowded as his. Just waiting to be served, we had to wait for 1hr. But that tailor, Daniel, he gave quite good recommendations. Keep saying Jas got very nice V shape figure. hahahaa! And wanna do in cut to show off his figure. FItting is on 3 May, by then can see how it looks roughly le.

Date for my photoshoot has also been fixed le. Really looking forward to it. Can wear nice nice, take nice nice pic. Working very hard on dieting now.... Wanna lose another couple of kgs before the shoot. Like tat nicer mah.....

Tml is Jas first day at his new job, I pray he will be able to do well and cope with it. Like tat, everything will be smoother for the 2 of us.

大家加油！

She never thought she would be interested in a guy who is older than her by 10 yrs. Between the 2 of them, she does not feel that age difference at all. They communicate like regular friends who are able to joke and chat. She is impressed by his knowledge, his way of doing things and his quick reaction to solving problems. In a single word, "charming"!

Exciting affairs ahead!!!!!

2 May 08 - Final Theory Test
16 May 08 - First Driving Lesson (hopefully will pass by this year)
Jun 08 - Gown fitting for photoshoot
27 Jun 08 - Wedding Photoshoot
15 / 18 Aug 08 - Jas and my birthday
Sept 08 - Gen's Wedding
Nov 08 - Joei's Wedding
Nov 08 - Arrival of "twoori"
Nov 08 - Final Gown fitting
Dec 08 - Iris' Wedding
28 Dec 08 - Wedding Dinner
Jan 09 - Taiwan trip
End 09 - Hopefully can get our flat

Lots to hope for and look forward to...... Counting down.....

Wedding Preparations II

Went for final gown selection for my photoshoot today. It went very well.... I confirmed those gowns that I had chosen previously except for the evening gown. Tried another red one today and it looks so much better than the other one. Love it the moment I tried it on. Hehe! Have always wanted a red evening gown and so I got it.

Now that I have confirmed all my gowns I'm so excited bout the photoshoot and the dinner in Dec. Hope the effects comes out good.

Photoshoot will be most likely in end June or early July. By then most of the stuff for bridal studio side will have been settled. Then it would be left with the dinner.

Planning a trip to Taiwan for honeymoon after the dinner along with friends. Really looking forward to all these. Seems like it's a rather exciting 2008 for me. =)

Wedding Preparations

Went for my first gown selection appointment at Signoria today. It was so tiring but of course it's fun. Tried on so many gowns that by the end of it, I'm exhausted. I brought some magazines cut out to show them what kind of designs I like and also those of theirs featured in the mags that I like too.

Today only mange to choose the wedding gowns and KIV an evening gown. Still need to go back another time to select a gown for outdoor photoshoot. So I think there's gonna be another round of tiring selection. Lolx!

But hor... thinking back for the gowns I choose hor, not much colours in it leh.... Cause base on the choices i took today, I would have 1 ivory, 3 white gowns and 1 red gown. Like a bit too white on everything leh..... So maybe I should consider changing one of the white gowns to evening gown oso or something else with more colour. Need to call them to discuss tomorrow....

After the gown selection, we went to airport to send Angela off and also to check out the new Terminal 3. Had dinner at the Crystal Jade there where Jas saw that they serve char siew pau and ordered lots of it. Wah lau! I think in total we had like 4 or 5 servings of it. Each serving with 2 paus each. He say wanna go eat again when Angela comes back and we go fetch her. Char Siew Pau siao! hahahhaa!

Hmm.... probably the next thing that I nd to do now is to start sorting out the guest list, the jie meis whom I wanna use and prepare for the photoshoot which is most likely in end June. Exciting exciting! =)

Have got some photos that I haven had the chance to put up. Pictures of the night before my ROM. I probably mentioned it before. The night before "D Day", I was out with some very important people in my life. Friends whom I feel I have known them all my life. A friend whom were once close to my heart and who always will I guess..... A friend whom has taken a part of my heart with him. =)

From left to right: Samuel and his gf, Alex (Gen's husband to be), Gen, Me (looking rather red) and Eddy

Congrats to Gen, whom her bf proposed on the same day too. Now she's busy preparing to get married. She faster than me. Will be having her dinner in Sept. Congrats babe! So happy for you!

Gen and me at Balcony Bar. Fan blowing so hard at me while taking the pic hence the messy hair. Gen.....a friend like no others. =)

I is Happy.

Caught eating chickee wing. Haha! Gotta eat as I drink if nt i will get drunk de.

A nice picture taken, for fond memories......

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Question: How do you feel seeing your ex bf the night before you are married? How do you feel seeing your ex gf the day before she's married.

Answer: Wierd.... Happy.... Glad that all is ok now. We felt the bond.

SHE

Sometimes I find that she and me has a wierd relationship / friendship.....
Sometimes I feel that I can really connect with her and that we have build a close friendship, yet....
Sometimes I feel so far away from her. It seems as though she has her own world that I can't go into. A barrier seems to fall heavily between us.

Despite all the above "wierd" notions, whenever I think about her, or when I talk about her, my heart goes out to her.....

I feel her loneliness, her emptiness and at the same time her longing for love that she somehow cannot achieve. I wonder has she lost faith in love or just that the "one" for her is lost somewhere? Or maybe the love she lusts for, does not exist in this realistic, cruel world at all......

I really want her to feel happy if she can feel that at all. To be happy for herself, not only for others. I want her to be able to get out of a trap.... one that she has trapped herself in. I want her to be able to pursue her dreams, her wants and live out her zest for life which somehow I feel she can if she just want to. I know she has that energy and love in her that is waiting to burst out except that she doesn't know who, what or where it can go out to.

Perhaps.... taking that first step to step out is always the most difficult. But I hope she does....

Hey sister, I hope you know I wish the best for you. I wish you find happiness, I wish everything good for you! =)

Random Updates

Have been at my new job for slightly more than a month. Things are relatively easy to handle with not much probs. Getting use to life there. Not much places to go during lunch. Quite a number of times, it's tabao back by one of the warehouse staff so it gets a bit boring. On the positve side, I dun spend much as the food is cheap. And because I dun go anywhere for lunch, I spend lesser on unecessary things. Lol! Hope this helps in my plan for saving then.

I miss my days at TAH. Everyone there are so much more fun and atmosphere is more lively. Here, everyone just does their own stuff and I dun really communicate much with them. Perhaps I'm still new.... See how it goes ba.

Jas is thinking of switching to doing sales. He has got a offer actually. Most likely I think he will go for it. I feel it's better too cause seems more prospects. Benefits are better too. Hope he will be able to cope with it. For the first few months, things might be a bit tough cause his basic pay is a bit low. But in the long run, we have to bear with it ba..... Really wish all would be ok. =)

End of the month I will be going to Signoria to choose my gowns and take the first steps for the wedding preparations. Have seen a few designs I like in those wedding mags i bought and I cut them out as reference. So if I dun see anything I like off the rack I can custom make. Everything is rather troublesome and I just want to get everything over and done with soon and the next thing to look forward to will be the flat.

Oh.... had a crab feast at Sinta's yesterday. We had 5 gigantic crabs and couldn't finish it. It was really yummy but it was really too much! Lolx! Tried the Black Pepper Crab from the AMK stall for the first time and it's good. I like the spicy taste of the pepper cause it's spicy enough. Shiok shiok! We will be having tulang feast the next time round. Hahaha! All the high cholesterol food. I dun eat tulang but like to dip bread in the sauce.

Saw Yoori oso.... She can walk le! So cute! And she's one smart baby always knowing how to get the things she wants. Learning the ropes from her mum ah. This is called 有其母必有其女。hahahahhahaa!

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改变。。。 不知道是会比较好，还是不好。

My Internet Corner

I had to leave my Vaio on the floor each night while I sleep so I decided to set up a corner in my room for it..... With proper table and all.

So....... I thought of the pink side table i got from IKEA and....... TA DAH!!!!!!!

Absolutely Perfect!

Finally gotten my Sony Vaio after a long long time. Blogging using it in the comfort of my room. =p It's the Blazing Red one by the way. Wanted to get the pink at first but thought after a while might get bored of it plus it's too girl lor. If Jas wanna use it also might look a bit wierd isn't it?

Well apart from the new laptop, I have also started a new on a new job. So far it's been almost 2 weeks into it and well, all is good so far. Been going through product training and it's quite interesting knowing about skincare and the various ways or rather torture that women is willing to go through to beautify themselves. It's quite disturbing actually.....

Colleagues there are ok. No nasty ones so far although some seems to be rather lukewarm. I guess all things grow with time ba. I'm oso starting to get use to the timing of 9am to 6pm. I have been able to get up on time and I really enjoy the timing of going home exactly at 6pm and reaching home before 7pm since office is so near my home. I can even go home change and relac first before i go for my weekely mj session ah. Hehe!

Well.... more updates till later ba.... Gonna go figure out more of my Sony Vaio..... =)

做错了事，可以用一辈子的时间来补偿吗？
如果可以，是幸福
如果不能，是一辈子的后悔。。。

Thoughts.....

While he's watching the show with her, what will he be telling her? When the song plays , will she tell him the song conveys her feeling? When the song plays during the show where they show the couple dating do they think of doing the same? Does he think of me when they show it? Cause I do.....

I can't help but have those thoughts running through my head while watching it. I dunno why.... it jsut happens naturally. Somehow I can feel the connection knowing we both like the same song. Is this how things go when 2 people have truly bonded before and the bond stays forever? Or maybe..... I'm the only one who feels this way.......

Been a long long time.... this space here has been left alone for sometime since.... no updates except for the fact that I'm officially a "Mrs". Lolx!

Actually I'm super free since the ROM in Dec for the simple fact that I am jobless. But somehow just dun hv that "feel" to blog anything. Quit my job in The Arts House after long deliberation yet on an impulse and after feeling rather miserable for a while. Now have been sending out endless resumes and going for interviews, waiting for calls etc.

After going for a few interviews, I find it quite an experience, fun I would say. Each time while waiting for my turn it's like a new adventure wondering how it will be like. I like hearing the interviewer describing the job scope because they always make it sound so interesting and challenging but god knows it's not tat way. From wat they say, I also learn that what people in the positions do..... I also like to picture myself doing the job describe. I think I is mad le lah......

Many people has been asking me how's life as a married woman and I always answer "same lor." True mah, not much difference for me so far cause we not living together. The only difference is the introduction part lor. I still feel kind of wierd when I introduce Jas as my husband or when he intro me as his wife. But I think he quite proud to tell people he's married leh. The other day, we were at the coffee shop and he was buying ciggy. The coffee shop lady pointed to me and ask, "你的 ger fren ah?" He happily replied, "不是，老婆来的." I stood there smiling stupidly at the coffee lady, feeling so wierd. lolx!

Anyway, some random photos to see what I have been up to recently ba......

My farewell lunch by my ex colleagues in The Arts House. We went to a japanese restaurant at Marina Square and booked a room... Everyone was commenting like Yakuza meeting. Lolx!

Purple tulips and everything else purple. My favourite. My dear Cheryl and Shiuan got Lynne to order it secretly and gave it to me during my last staff meeting
The night before my ROM. Met up with Gen, Samuel and Eddy after attending Ying's wedding. Went to Balcony Bar for some drinks. Gen is one lucky woman. Her bf proposed to her the same night with 99 red roses and ring. She's busy preparing her big day to come. Everything else that night was great nice memory. No regrets on the day i got married. 心结揭开了 =)(Hehe! Flash too bright. My stupid Nokia phone lor)

This was on the day I met up with Cheryl, Ling and SK for desserts at 2am in Holland Village. We saw a waiter giving free dessert decorated with sparklers to another table cause it was the birthday of one of the person there and we were still commenting can we get it too cause it was near Cheryl's birthday. Suddenly, the waiter appeared with a same one for us but with the words, "Congratulations" Cause Ling had mentioned earlier that Jas and I are getting married soon while the waiter was taking our orders. But the sparklers died before the waiter could put it down so he ran back to light it and bring it over a 2nd time. Hehe!

Jac and friends organised a X'mas party..... BBQ.... Random shots!

My Grandma's birthday celebration. Jas attending the my first family's affair as my husband. hee~
That's it! Hopefully more eventful happenings comes along the way tat would spice up this boring blog of mine. Cheers~

I'M MARRIED!

After all the plannings and everything, the day is finally over in a flash.... As of now, I declare myself no longer of "single" status. Hee!

Thank you everyone who took the time to grace my big day! Special thanks to Ling for being my chauffer, Emcee and co-ordinator, Cheryl for looking after the event, Meow for being a free labour photographer, Angela and Jac for having spend time to choose my gown, The Arts House for the Venue, 1827 for the delicious makan and Signoria for the nice gown.

Lots more photos coming up but must wait till I have the time to upload everything. So one for the record first.....